**** Scuba Divers Find A Martian Corpse week 8
This maybe Stonehenge after the ocean rose. That will surely be sorted out from the GPS later. What we do know at this stage is a prime world citizen is leading. And an illegal in devious earth disguise is bringing up the rear.
According to our recently found archival material, this alien actually drowned that day, flotation vest and all.
Eye witness reports have said "A devious alien capsized the kayak with a sudden and noisy extraterrestrial fart out of his left hip". And under he immediately did go. The pwc was able to tread water and gather wits as he did. The witnesses claim the alien then engaged in "a Martian paddle". A brief resurface followed. Trailing off with "and it's time for a good hard tidal look at your stupid Sir Isaa....." an interplanetary yelp ends what eye witnesses could see or hear.
What the reports hadn't known was the entry into the universal dream world of the tides as the drowning progressed.
Also missing was knowledge of the strange happening. This was to the prime world citizen. Physically he was fine. But he has made a claim that he became part of an alien's dreamtime. What we have these years later for you is a reuters interpretation of what had appeared on one of the pwc's most popular Instagram accounts a few billing cycles after he recovered from the shock of having been in a kayak with a hip farting alien. As you would expect, it's all rather messy.
REUTERS: The disguise came off with a burst. A Martian in previously unseen regalia has suddenly appeared. Using extreme flashing lights, a few ocean height diagrams are developed on the back of a gently dancing octopus. One from the internet. One explaining its simple mistake. Employing loud dappled colours, the lights then spoke. "In contrast to our investigative Martian tidal schoolbooks, your tidal schoolbooks are sleazy professors dealing in hardcore junk. The lesser value of a fictitiously expanded inverse square law is not a high tide in the opposite direction of that fictitiously expanded inverse square law".
“No matter how canny the centre of your planet, it could not cause a reverse lunar pull as your moon is moved away from”. The Martian's lights emitted a terrific but sloppy symbolic dinosaur turd all over a cast of crabs as they walked and talked their ways by. Nearby red herrings were ever so grateful. They knew huge and sludgy tidal disgust poop should have been right through their gills way before the Martians were coming to earth and farting.
Graciously the lights started flashing out Octopus's Garden. The mermaids and sea nymphs were so relaxed in this garden. Then they became startled. They could hear the extra lyrics. Pulling their sunglasses off they heard this new stanza. "The moon pulls water has been your original Neanderthal summation. Right through Aristotle, Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, etc you stupidly stuck with it".
The octopus's garden suddenly transformed into golden flickers gushing out from the Martian lights into precise earthly existence. These fast moving flickers were all saying "Your moon doesn't pull water at all. A sector of your moon's inverse square law is in a state of arithmetical reduction with a sector of the opposite direction of the earth's inverse square law".
Unfortunately some dreadful Martian static was to impede transmission. "Things, like your ocean, weigh less in this arithmetically compromised sector of the earth's inverse square law". In barely discernible sparkles, that is what these underwater flashes were now jigging out.
Luckily or unluckily a new resistor was briskly fitted into the Martian's lower circuitry. This was done by a passing eel just looking for some handy overtime to pay that latest power bill off. The Martian's amperage steadied. The message was now clear. "So that is what a high tide under your moon is for your living in stupidity tidal professors. An ocean weighing less on earth, not your moon magically concentrating a little bit of earth ocean weight on itself".
The lights were now happy and shone this delicate little diagram directly onto the little known A4 Martian underwater Facebook page. In just a few minutes time it was to make a lot of underwater hippopotamuses at a local wine bar dance extremely happy. They knew they could click back to google maps later to find the path to The Call Of The Blue Suede Shoes, that was for sure. For now they were mesmerised by underwater social media. All the way from a neighbouring planet, their iphones had this arithmetical explanation of the high tide under the moon.
Graciously the lights started flashing out Octopus's Garden. The mermaids and sea nymphs were so relaxed in this garden. Then they became startled. They could hear the extra lyrics. Pulling their sunglasses off they heard this new stanza. "The moon pulls water has been your original Neanderthal summation. Right through Aristotle, Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, etc you stupidly stuck with it".
The octopus's garden suddenly transformed into golden flickers gushing out from the Martian lights into precise earthly existence. These fast moving flickers were all saying "Your moon doesn't pull water at all. A sector of your moon's inverse square law is in a state of arithmetical reduction with a sector of the opposite direction of the earth's inverse square law".
Unfortunately some dreadful Martian static was to impede transmission. "Things, like your ocean, weigh less in this arithmetically compromised sector of the earth's inverse square law". In barely discernible sparkles, that is what these underwater flashes were now jigging out.
Luckily or unluckily a new resistor was briskly fitted into the Martian's lower circuitry. This was done by a passing eel just looking for some handy overtime to pay that latest power bill off. The Martian's amperage steadied. The message was now clear. "So that is what a high tide under your moon is for your living in stupidity tidal professors. An ocean weighing less on earth, not your moon magically concentrating a little bit of earth ocean weight on itself".
The lights were now happy and shone this delicate little diagram directly onto the little known A4 Martian underwater Facebook page. In just a few minutes time it was to make a lot of underwater hippopotamuses at a local wine bar dance extremely happy. They knew they could click back to google maps later to find the path to The Call Of The Blue Suede Shoes, that was for sure. For now they were mesmerised by underwater social media. All the way from a neighbouring planet, their iphones had this arithmetical explanation of the high tide under the moon.
This particular octopus now became quite enchanted with the idea of a zero inverse square law magnitude being the solution to the high tide under the moon. The moon 'pulling an ocean' had always been so incomprehensible. Why didn't the ocean go all the way to moon
Moving her tentacles away from this new underwater creature, Ophelia now began quietly cuddling the pwc. She later shyly blushed that "it was just a greeting embrace". The circling vegan sharks thought otherwise. The prospect of a sensible tidal solution was turning octopus tentacles into love, lust and and luckily not leprosy they had all written in their waterproof diaries on this exact date.
The Martian continued twinkling, now to the spectacular coral at the bottom of this water world as well. "There is a constant result of zero mutual inverse square law magnitude at a point in between the earth and your moon. This is the point where all those moonshots of yours have left the earth's inverse square law and enter your moon's inverse square law. Being zero, this point its self leaves mathematical analysis. You can work out where the point basically is through deductive process". The lights had changed to illuminated clocks, alternating between GMT and MMT. The flashes were distinctive, the times almost identical.
This probably meant the dead Martian was having a side dream of home. Brushing this other dream away with toots from the passing brainwashed cerebral cavities of a plague of drowned rats, the lights were now quietly outlining the significance of the situation. "The main meaning for you is your earth's inverse square law is of a reduced or a high tide magnitude from the zero point down to the surface of your earth under your moon".
The oceanic world was soaking up this fresh and good tidal knowledge. Then the lights spoke again, now sternly and as spaceship brake lights going in every direction all at once. Sir Isaac Newton's law of gravity was supposed to go in every direction all at once as well. "Gravity being a pull is just another dumb earth idea. Some cave clod says it's so. Then you teach it without question in your schools forever it would seem." With this revelation, a school of nearby bluefin were all stunned, even more than the mullets over in lanes six and seven doing their best on the bikes they had just been sold again and again by invisible mathematicians pretending to be God.
Ignoring all the now astounded schools of fish around this other planet, the drowned Martian flashed deeper into its inverse square law depravity. "All any earthling so far knows about an inverse square law is it causes an acceleration of a smaller mass through space towards a larger adjacent mass. If you ever get gravity being a pull out of your schools, the question you face is why do smaller objects accelerate through space towards larger adjacent objects". As you would expect, the brake lights had all braked and stopped. Sir Isaac Newton's mutual gravity concept quickly followed suit.
The floundering mullets happily got their nostrils out of the pedals and swam again. Next relief took the form of an echo beginning in Pacific waters. "Thank goodness, no more being attracted by every other particle in the universe" the echo went. First from mollusc, it was soon reverberating around all the oceans of the earth. Thanks were being made to these rolling seas by the King of the whole wide word. The mitigation of universal gravitation had opened Davy Jones locker with sudden bursts of tender loving kisses. As he climbed out of this now heart unbroken hotel singing it's now or never, batch after batch of sea monkeys sprang into life instantly knowing the idiocy of the earth's universal gravitation tidal professors. The King was still to give his letter to the post porpoise to return to stupid sender, the suspicious minds of the salmon were all saying please do. We are all shook up.
Thankfully Ernie could see the Martian needed more rewiring, his under water dream world shouldn't have been channelling a sixties jukebox. As the eel went to work inside the Martian again, the post universal gravitation relief was spreading and fast.
By the time Ernie had made enough money to put his elvers through the best high voltage university on the eastern seaboard, the dead Martian was delivering a diagram out of his mouth which was really his nose and also a standby CPU. The prime world citizen interrupted on YouTube next day to announce this. "While Ophelia and I were exchanging our heartfelt text messages, the diagram floated by. She had time to deftly grab it with all her tentacles. Frantically, we re-blogged before any loss to a nearby shoal of lost transAtlantic submarines drinking cod liver oil out of missiles turned into stainless steel buckets with handles made out of invisible mathematicians now pretending to be kiln dried clumps of clay". As soon as the diagram was moving from sea to sea, YouTube was able to return to the surface of the earth and a very good cat video, to.
But the diagram was vague, Aristarchus like, and only comprehensible to the underwater world after a few good cups of hot nuclear coffee.
In reality the Martian had just explained that mighty Allah was guiding followers to the equal and opposite tidal forces constantly and naturally occurring across the centre of this earth. It was going to be relative earth gravity at 90 degrees and not relative lunar gravity in a straight line that explained the high tides of the earth. And this was such good news to the earth's underwater world as well. In fact one swishing humpback whale quickly wrote a song entitled 'ocean heights, the centre of the earth and my blowhole'. It was for immediate release and went platinum in the Caribbean long before the next low dolphin. Tides there all could be heard humming "we are now champagne" as they lit pretend cigars from the real blow torches that were all focused on many thousands of equation drunk flat heads, each with their gills still blocked by Sir Isaac Newton's creepy lunar relativity.
In this dream the dead Martian's flashing and blinking had quite changed in nature from the earlier sloppy prehistoric earth turd sludging over crabs. Emitting the following words in an interplanetary sparkle code, the lights had turned into beautiful colourless diamonds on every fin of every fish on earth.
"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If Sir Isaac Newton's third law is a true science, if using Sir Isaac Newton's second law to measure weight is also a true science, this explanation of like tides occurring directly opposite each other across the centre of any planet cannot be wrong". With the entirety of the oceans of the earth all being fantastically illuminated, diamonds on fish fins were all saying the high tide on the other side of the earth is the equal and opposite reaction to the one on the moon side of the earth.
From nowhere, it seemed, crustaceans claws everywhere were suddenly and brightly touching onto their plan purchased galaxies and other waterproof internet devices. "Diamonds are a lobster's best friend" was being serenaded into cyberspace with amusing abandon causing oxygen bubbles to waltz the Blue Moon Danube to the tune of all known music. The lobsters joked to the fish that they couldn't really do internet. As it was to work out, a little conundrum of fantasy like that wasn't to bother the oceans of the earth very much at all. At long last they were beginning to enjoy an understanding of why they were experiencing their semi diurnal tidal bulges again and again and again as this fine earth rotated through its inverse square law.
In these oceans of the earth, diamond finned fish were indeed a moment of true beauty for every strand of seaweed to observe and take a good deal of fine delight in to. The diamonds were explaining that the moon's inverse square law did not reach the earth at all. The age old banter of the earth's totally stupid tidal professors about the moon 'pulling' the earth was but a nude emperor, fiscally enhanced fins suddenly a little boy explaining this emperor belonged in clothes optional villages, not on the more regular university campuses at all.
But the diagram was vague, Aristarchus like, and only comprehensible to the underwater world after a few good cups of hot nuclear coffee.
In reality the Martian had just explained that mighty Allah was guiding followers to the equal and opposite tidal forces constantly and naturally occurring across the centre of this earth. It was going to be relative earth gravity at 90 degrees and not relative lunar gravity in a straight line that explained the high tides of the earth. And this was such good news to the earth's underwater world as well. In fact one swishing humpback whale quickly wrote a song entitled 'ocean heights, the centre of the earth and my blowhole'. It was for immediate release and went platinum in the Caribbean long before the next low dolphin. Tides there all could be heard humming "we are now champagne" as they lit pretend cigars from the real blow torches that were all focused on many thousands of equation drunk flat heads, each with their gills still blocked by Sir Isaac Newton's creepy lunar relativity.
In this dream the dead Martian's flashing and blinking had quite changed in nature from the earlier sloppy prehistoric earth turd sludging over crabs. Emitting the following words in an interplanetary sparkle code, the lights had turned into beautiful colourless diamonds on every fin of every fish on earth.
"To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If Sir Isaac Newton's third law is a true science, if using Sir Isaac Newton's second law to measure weight is also a true science, this explanation of like tides occurring directly opposite each other across the centre of any planet cannot be wrong". With the entirety of the oceans of the earth all being fantastically illuminated, diamonds on fish fins were all saying the high tide on the other side of the earth is the equal and opposite reaction to the one on the moon side of the earth.
From nowhere, it seemed, crustaceans claws everywhere were suddenly and brightly touching onto their plan purchased galaxies and other waterproof internet devices. "Diamonds are a lobster's best friend" was being serenaded into cyberspace with amusing abandon causing oxygen bubbles to waltz the Blue Moon Danube to the tune of all known music. The lobsters joked to the fish that they couldn't really do internet. As it was to work out, a little conundrum of fantasy like that wasn't to bother the oceans of the earth very much at all. At long last they were beginning to enjoy an understanding of why they were experiencing their semi diurnal tidal bulges again and again and again as this fine earth rotated through its inverse square law.
In these oceans of the earth, diamond finned fish were indeed a moment of true beauty for every strand of seaweed to observe and take a good deal of fine delight in to. The diamonds were explaining that the moon's inverse square law did not reach the earth at all. The age old banter of the earth's totally stupid tidal professors about the moon 'pulling' the earth was but a nude emperor, fiscally enhanced fins suddenly a little boy explaining this emperor belonged in clothes optional villages, not on the more regular university campuses at all.
And then out of the below sea level section of a passing iceberg came the best interplanetary dream yet of how Sir Isaac Newton had misconceived his mutual law of gravitation. Before commencing a casual journey into fully ticketed circus acts in all the nations of the earth beginning with the letter C, an orchestra of dancing Titanics announced gleefully into the second nearest crab that "it was a confusion of his second law twice".
The earth was the only planet Sir Isaac Newton's law of universal gravitation was right on so far. But now the earth's underwater world was saying it was junk on account of sinking boats not drawing the earth towards their descending hulls after all.
Down there it could now be seen that the moon's inverse square law did have this indirect reducing effect on the earth's inverse square law. And that this reduction was reflected across the core of the earth as equal and opposite high tides.
The earth's water brained tidal professors had been shockingly caught up in Sir Isaac Newton's superficial idea of everything has gravity therefore everything 'pulls' everything else. They just hadn't been able to see that they needed to apply equal and opposite arithmetic to adjacent inverse square laws. A full bench of investigating albatrosses soon declared the earth's water brained tidal professors awol from all known sanity. Relaxing as usual, the abalone murmured "Well, if the equal and opposite arithmetic has been done on another planet, this full bench of web footed birds has handed down a very fair finding". The abalone sort some more algae, the earth's totally stupid water brained tidal professors witnessed their calculators floating gently towards Sir Isaac Newton's second and third laws, the momentum of the planets continued ebbing and flowing along side their star as the star continued its galactic progress.
The Martian was considerably less than pleased with the inverse square law as it stood on this nearby watery planet where you could so easily have a fart and drown.
As the dream went on, one by one, the beautiful colourless diamonds all left the fins. They were now lights again back on the Martian and turning into bored droopy grey flashing argon gas lamps. "Octopus, your question is a matter of universal mechanics. How is the a in F = m.a caused when you use Sir Isaac Newton's second law to assess weight due to an inverse square law on earth? What is the vertical change in the nature of space that actually forms the structure of an inverse square law and causes an object to accelerate through space towards the path of your planet as it goes around the galaxy?".
Possibly as smiling iridescence tree frogs, the lights turn green and start spinning a little happier. As they do, a new sentiment is emitted. "But mainly, the simple consideration of an equal and opposite tidal dynamic naturally centred across the centre of your planet can only cause your every today to be a bit better. At last you have something realistic in your tentacles about equal and opposite high and low tides". Ophelia nodded at all the smiling tree frogs and then had a chocolate eclair with them. Crumbs dribbled everywhere as the tree frogs informed Ophelia that the minor adjacent inverse square law should be egg shaped, not an ellipse. "This dead Martian with all his lights is a dope and has it all wrong" they whispered quietly to her.
Like a series of squeezed balloons simultaneously exploding on lonely Pacific atolls, this caused rather large lights to suddenly erupt just about everywhere else. The Martian first acknowledged to Ophelia that he was indeed a dope. After all, he had come to a planet that believed every particle in the universe could attract every other particle in the universe. These new everywhere lights, though, they may have been the red light districts that mathematical physicists had relentlessly been working for centuries on end. A pair of passing ship hand wombats scuba diving their way from the south to the north pole on a charity raise for ignorant kangaroo tidal experts were sure of such.
When Ophelia was later quizzed by the sea to air missiles as they all went backwards to where they whence began, she definitely had a different version of events. "The everywhere lights were all a sad blue. And they all said "Down deep Sir Isaac Newton's sleight of hand idea can't have rang true. The moon's gravity is simply in the wrong direction to directly cause a high tide on the side of the earth away from the moon."
From there the investigative fins of the thought police had heard the tale of the lights solemnly and rapidly turning into miner's helmets. As they did they tempered what they had earlier flashed. "Yes, it's happier days except for when an earth tremor occurs. If you have common sense on your side you are duty bound to work out where the earth's inverse square law is set. Octopus, your underground ore extraction evidence says the earth's inverse square law has begun its path towards termination just beneath the surface of your planet. Octopus sense should then tell you it is set somewhere around the surface of a planet. Your tomorrow octopuses have work to do to get a proper understanding of the earth's inverse square law down pat. It's not an inverse square law beneath the surface of any planet or star."
Even in her own dream, Ophelia was never to be sure of what happened next. Were the tides of her planet to be sorted to the centre of the earth in all the schools of fish in the oceans of the earth she just didn't know. She did see the Martian deliver a photo out of an aperture that was just behind his main CPU. She presumed this aperture to be a camouflaged Martian selfie stick sending show off snaps of himself to her octopus friends on the direct other side of the earth.
And then, as all the dreams do, it entered the spin cycle. Ophelia found herself to be an awake octopus. Also she was to find a diamond in each of her three hearts as she rubbed the sleep oil from her eyes with her tentacles. Just as she was having thoughts of cashing them to buy a ticket to outer space, the washing machine stopped and, interestingly, her underwear looked quite clean.
The pwc also left the dream. He did this in full realisation that he was going to have right a kayak and now do all the paddling.
But what was underneath this kayak as it rippled along again?
Was it really the weightless core of a planet.
Were inverse square law magnitudes naturally equivalent to each other on direct opposite sides of the core so as like inverse square law values always appeared at his favourite surface antipodes, Waikiki Beach and the Okavango Delta?
Could an earth balloon really be squeezed and looked at as a beginning of an understanding of the nature of the equal and opposite tidal forces of the earth?
Were the earth and moon inverse square laws really terminated not far from the moon and then again across their respective centres?
Where did the sun's inverse square law fit into all this.
Was the closest beyond earth termination of the earth's inverse square law the base reason of the earth's high tides?
It was all making sense except for one thing.
The eye witness reports had said scuba divers found the corpse of a Martian. But there was nothing pointy coming out of its head when they did. Excluding on location NASA employees, nobody ever knew the full story. The corpse had been hoisted up for NASA to accurately measure and assess and quickly hide in a secret location somewhere in the deserts of Arizona. Wanting to get back to abnormal tidal transmission as fast as possible, NASA quickly called in the C.I.A. to secure the farting Martian hush. All that could be found next day was yet another vague diagram.